The Trouble at Sarah Lawrence: Part 2
Sofia Sklar ‘27
“Recently, the development office received a letter from an alumna in San Francisco who was distressed by the rumor that the campus is now 50 percent homosexual”, states Anne Rophie in her article for The New York Times.
Realistically, it is probably closer to 90 percent.
Most people on campus have read the article that Rophie dedicates to talking about one so-called ‘problem’: most of the Sarah Lawrence student body is queer. Honestly, that is a pretty accurate read. But is it a problem? No. But in the year 2025, there is an actual problem. A new trouble plaguing Sarah Lawrence . (No, it’s not another cult.)
Where are all of the emos at Sarah Lawrence College?
There is a concerningly low percentage of emo students at Sarah Lawrence College. We, as an institution, likely fall somewhere between 3-5% emo, which is strikingly low for a liberal arts institution such as ourselves. This is a travesty, through and through.
This is the modern day ‘trouble’ at Sarah Lawrence.
Where are the studded belts and knee-high converse? Where are the skinny jeans? Where are the people saying ‘XD’? They are nowhere to be found, sadly… There is not enough My Chemical Romance being blasted; everybody has a poetry Substack that they promote on Instagram, when they should have a MySpace. When I walk around campus, I am met with a depressing truth: there are not enough emos at Sarah Lawrence.
We used to be a real liberal arts college, with an expansive and thriving emo population. At one point, there were emos running happily and free across South Lawn, enjoying cans of Monster Energy and utilizing the SLCWLAN network for important things: scrolling Tumblr and playing Homestuck.
But how do we get them back? Easy. Sarah Lawrence College, get your skinny jeans and band t-shirts, because we’re working towards an emo revival in 2025. You’ve probably heard of the indie sleaze revival, but that’s for NORMIEZ!
Read this excerpt from My Immortal out loud:
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got myname) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Now read it again. You are My Chemical Romance. You are Gerard Way. You are My Immortal. So, now that you’re emo, how do we get a widespread emo revival?
Get angsty! Feel your emotions, like a true emo! Sing a song about it!
Put on more eyeliner! Smudge it everywhere!
Know what the ‘G Note’ is!
This lack of emos is truly disheartening, but don’t worry, Gryphons. We can change it, one sidebang and studded belt at a time.