The Situation Is That I Don’t Want You: How to Avoid People
Sofia Sklar ‘27
Godric the Gryphon, Photo by @sarahlawrencecollge on Instagram
“It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss” - Mr. Brightside
So, you had a little too much fun at a party one night. You’re probably starting to realize just how hard it is to avoid someone on a college campus that’s roughly the size of a city block, if even that. With only two dining halls and a student population of just over 1,500, it may seem like an impossible task to avoid people on campus, but not to worry. Here at The Phoenix, we’ve crunched the numbers, and here are the three best ways to avoid that person on campus.
Never Leave Your Dorm
Bed rotting is one of the simple joys in life, so why not use it to your benefit? There’s no plausible way to see them if you’re using this avoidance method. How could you run into someone if you never leave your dorm? It’s foolproof unless they’re within eyeshot every time you look outside your window (which – depending on how frequently that’s happening – might be indicative of a more serious problem), or unless your roommates are letting them in, you’ll never see them. Or, if you’re one of the lucky few whose situationship is their roommate. We’ve all been there. Granted, it might start to get stuffy and boring after a while, but hey, you’ll never see that person again, so technically, you won.
Transfer
Why keep yourself confined to just Sarah Lawrence? Yes, it’s hard to transfer your credits out of this college, but it’s a minor price to pay in order to never have to see them again, so it’s worth it. Find another school to attend, and hopefully, you won’t do the same thing there. You’ll never see them again, and you’ll be able to avoid them infinitely. This is guaranteed, unless you live in the same city, or they transfer to the same school, and in which case, good luck.
Become Godric the Gryphon
A mascot costume is the best way to hide your face, body, and everything else. It’s easy, simple, and you don’t have to worry about looking good for a revenge era. Simply email the athletics department and ask if you can wear the Godric costume around. Not only will they think that you’re incredibly school spirited, you’ll be able to sleuth around campus undetected. You are no longer you. You’re Godric the Gryphon. You’re a campus celebrity, but nobody knows who you are under the mask, like Batman. People might start to think that you’re a furry, but who cares? It’s Sarah Lawrence. .
Long story short, it’s hard to avoid people on this campus, unless you’re trying to be Godric the Gryphon. But hopefully, this advice can be of use to somebody who really needs it. Happy avoiding, Gryphons!