Transfer Insecurities on Campus, and How to Help Yourself
Chloe Hild ‘27
Yes, comparison IS the thief of joy, that frigid bitch. Ever since I touched down on this campus in late Aug. 2024, fresh from community college, transferring to the school of my dreams, my ego has suffered a bit of a blow.
I love it here, I love my classes, I love my friends, I hate Bates Hill, but I love what it does for my calves! But I keep comparing my place at Sarah Lawrence to those my age who have been here since their freshman year. I’ve found it stealing some of my joy. Everyone here close to my ripe age of 22 has had at least three years on this campus and I can’t help but feel left behind. I talked to one of my fellow SLC friends who also transferred this semester, to see if it’s more of a phenomenon than a personal experience.
Shua Alatriste ‘27, age 19, is a transfer sophomore who also came from a community college. We met the first day on campus. I was immediately drawn to her bedazzled denim ball cap and general it-girl vibe, and we started chatting. It's now been just over a month since our first meeting, and after speaking with her about this, I found much to my personal relief that my troubles weren’t just my own.
“I think the biggest adjustment for me as a transfer student has been starting a new life in a place where it has felt like a majority of the student population, aside from freshmen, has already settled in,” Alatriste says, “You know, [they’ve] explored the campus, explored their classes, explored their friends… I just felt slightly out of place for a while.”
Adjusting to college isn't just true for transfers, of course. We’ve all had a first year at college. No matter your age it’s a big change. However, for our small yet mighty cohort, there’s an added layer.
Making friends with other transfers was, in Shua’s and my experience, pretty seamless. We were lucky. I commend Sarah Lawrence for forcing us to socialize. That’s how I met the majority of my friends here. But approaching those your own age on campus who seem like seasoned professionals is something I’ve found to be intimidating. I suddenly turn into an awkward bumbling 18-year-old asking “Do you want to be friends?” After pounding the pavement for the first few weeks trying to establish the friends I have now, I still feel like I’m burned out in the “Hi! I’m Chloe, it’s nice to meet you!” department. Shua and I found ourselves in the same boat.
“I think now more than ever I’ve started to realize that a lot of people here do get into big groups and get cliquey” Shua says “then it makes me think about like what do some people have that I don’t that makes them more approachable, or makes them more desirable where people want to hang out with them.”
Being cliquey isn’t a bad thing! Having a friend group is normal, feeling apprehensive about shifting a friend group is normal. We all enjoy what is comfortable and what we love. It’s human. But when you’re on the outside of it, it doesn’t feel the best. So, how can we keep it from sucking so bad? Shua provides some warmth and wisdom on the topic: “[Distract] yourself with reading, writing, making music, talking with your friends, hanging out with people. Acknowledging and understanding people who are about you, that’s a really good way to throw yourself out of that spiral or thinking about yourself and comparing yourself to people, and I feel like that’s what I’ve tried to do. It sometimes doesn’t work, but, I think for the most part it’s a good way to start.”
Focus on what you love, what fulfills you creatively, and what charges your battery. You’ve heard the term “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s important to remember that it’s still easy to self-isolate on a small campus, and sometimes you need that, but that can be dangerous terrain (much like the Bates hill).
“I wish I could tell the incoming transfers not to be worried, as cliche as that sounds. I was petrified coming here, but it really is so easy, it really is… It's not the end of the world, you know?”
As much as we wouldn’t like to believe it, we’re only here for a short time. Spending the moments we have here telling ourselves why we don’t belong and why we don’t fit is a waste of those moments. Each of our individual paths led us to this campus. My path took me through a global pandemic (as it did you, dear reader), an admittedly rough in-country au pair experience, 3 jobs, getting bangs and a community college. Looking back, I would’ve never reached for a place like this, and I would have never come here if I hadn’t taken the steps before. So why feel bad comparing ourselves to those whose paths differed from ours? We’ve been through worse, and it landed us here. So I’m gonna tell that frigid bitch comparison to bite me!